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Vertica Smile is a user-friendly programming language designed to combine the readability of Brainfuck with the platform independance of assembler.

Most programming languages use syntax derived from a combination of English and algebra. This places non-english speakers and the nonmathematically inclined at a disadvantage.

Instead of confusing the reader with the mnemonics, acronyms, and complex syntax of other programming languages, Vertica Smile uses familiar, friendly, emotionally keyed symbols.

Where most other programming platforms gradually accumulate backwards-compatibility cruft over time, and take several years to phase out obsolete features (use of tainted arguments in system() in perl comes to mind, as does the six character limit on variable names in C, or the stupidity that is System V signal handling, or 8.3 character filenames in CP/M), Vertica Smile is committed to maintaining a smooth, modern environment. When a feature is obsolete, or an existing syntactical hlorm gets in the way of advancement, it will be removed immediately.

Contradicting the above, a degree of backwards compatibility is a good thing. In particular, it has been observed that migration to a new programming language is enhanced by including a mostly-backwards-compatible version of an old programming language. Therefore, in Vertica Smile 0.7 we introduce the ability to insert inline Ook!, Fuckfuck, Brainfuck, and assembler code as needed.

The current version of the compiler is 0.7 (Download).

Code comparison

C Assembler Vertica Smile
x++; inc %eax :-)
fd = open(argv[1],O_RDONLY); [not shown] 8=) 0 :-9 5 :o9 0 ;o) ;*( :P 80
x-=2; dec %edx
dec %edx
:*( :*(
#define incx x++[... I don't know, actually.] (: :)) :-)

Related unrelated things:

Fuckfuck, Brainfuck, Ook!, and fuckbrainfook.

It's been reported that there's a band named Vertica Smile, but the only reference pointed out to me was in a cached copy of an expired news story, so I don't know if they exist but have no website, are a typo on some copyeditor's part for Vertical Smile, or are time travellers from the distant future come to alter history by eliminating me. When I sieze the time machine up in 2055, I'll need to send a clarifying note back to myself.

If you've written anything interesting, useful, useless, or obnoxious in Vertica Smile, send it to me and I'll happily put it up for download.